Scientific Relationship Assessment

A New Lens on Your Relationship: Understanding the Assessment Tool

The Scientific Relationship Assessment is a private, powerful tool designed to provide a clear and objective snapshot of your relationship’s health. In the journey of a partnership, it’s easy to lose perspective. Day-to-day routines, unresolved conflicts, and unspoken feelings can cloud our understanding of where we truly stand with our partner. This tool cuts through the noise, offering a research-backed analysis of the core dynamics that define a thriving connection.

It addresses common pain points many couples face: the feeling of being “stuck,” the inability to pinpoint exactly what’s wrong, or the desire for a proactive “health check-up” to prevent future issues. By translating complex psychological concepts into a clear, actionable report, it empowers you to move from confusion to clarity.

The Science Behind Your Score

This is not just another quiz. The assessment is built upon decades of clinical research from leading experts in psychology and marital therapy. The questions and scoring are synthesized from several validated frameworks:

• The Gottman Method: Pioneered by Dr. John Gottman, this approach identifies the core components of healthy relationships, such as how couples manage conflict and build shared meaning. Our assessment directly measures concepts like “The Four Horsemen” (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling).
• Attachment Theory: Originally developed by John Bowlby, this theory explains how our earliest bonds shape our expectations and behaviors in adult relationships. The tool assesses for indicators of secure vs. insecure attachment patterns in how you relate to your partner.
• Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, EFT focuses on the importance of emotional connection and responsiveness. The assessment evaluates the strength of your emotional bond and your ability to turn towards each other for support.

“In a good relationship, people get angry, but in a very different way. The Marriage Masters see a problem a bit like a soccer ball. They kick it around. It’s ‘our’ problem.”

– Dr. John Gottman

By integrating these perspectives, the tool provides a holistic view, moving beyond superficial questions to assess the foundational pillars of your partnership.

How to Use the Assessment: A Step-by-Step Guide

1. Begin with Honesty: Find a quiet moment to take the assessment. The value of your results depends entirely on the honesty of your answers. Remember, this is a private tool for your eyes only.
2. Answer Intuitively: Don’t overthink it. Your first, gut-level response is often the most accurate reflection of your feelings.
3. Review Your Report: Once completed, you’ll receive a detailed report. This includes your overall score, a breakdown of the five key dimensions, and pattern analysis.
4. Explore Recommendations: The tool provides a curated list of research-based recommendations tailored to your specific results. These are practical, actionable steps you can take to strengthen your relationship.
5. Track Your Progress: Save your results and consider retaking the assessment every 6-12 months. The progress chart will help you visualize your growth over time.

Features in Detail: Understanding Your Results

Tips for a Constructive Experience

• Focus on Growth, Not Grades: This isn’t a test you pass or fail. It’s a map. A low score isn’t a sign of failure but a clear signpost pointing you where to focus your energy.
• Take It Individually, Discuss Together: For the most honest results, each partner should take the assessment separately. Afterward, schedule a calm, dedicated time to share your reports and feelings. Use “I feel” statements and approach the conversation with curiosity, not judgment.
• Celebrate Strengths: Your report will highlight what you’re doing well. Acknowledge and celebrate these strengths! They are the foundation you’ll build upon.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Further Exploration

The Relationship Assessment is just one tool in your journey. To continue building your connection, explore other resources designed to foster communication, intimacy, and fun.

References

• Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books.
• Johnson, S. M. (2019). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Little, Brown Spark.
• McDaniel, B. T., & Coyne, S. M. (2016). “Technoference”: The interference of technology in couple relationships and implications for women’s marital satisfaction. Sex Roles, 75(7-8), 334–347.
• Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and Loss, Vol. 1: Attachment. Attachment and Loss. New York: Basic Books.