Couples Attachment Style Quiz

Attachment theory, a field pioneered by psychiatrist John Bowlby, posits that humans possess an innate drive to form close emotional bonds. Originally focused on the infant-caregiver dynamic, this theory was later adapted for adult romantic relationships by researchers like Cindy Hazan and Philip Shaver. It provides an unparalleled framework for decoding relationship behaviors, emotional regulation, and conflict resolution.

Understanding your attachment style is not a matter of curiosity, it is a foundational step toward relational mastery. It offers the clarity needed to identify your core emotional needs and those of your partner, transforming uncertainty into a precise map for navigating love and intimacy.

Unlike superficial quizzes, our couples attachment style quiz is engineered for precision and depth. It goes beyond simple self-perception to analyze your behavioral and situational patterns. The quiz evaluates two distinct, yet crucial, metrics:

The quiz calculates a dominant attachment style by aggregating weighted scores across all 20 questions. Each answer option is assigned a specific value for each of the four attachment styles. The style with the highest cumulative score determines your primary attachment type. This holistic approach ensures the result is a precise reflection of your overall relational tendencies.

This is where our tool provides unique and powerful insights. The compatibility score is a direct, data-driven comparison of your and your partner’s individual answers. It is calculated as the percentage of questions for which you both selected the exact same answer. It is a measure of your cognitive and behavioral alignment.

This distinct methodology explains a key insight: it is entirely possible for two people with the same dominant attachment style to have a low compatibility score. For example, two people with an anxious attachment style may have arrived at that classification through a different combination of answers, leading to a low compatibility score (20% or less). The attachment style score measures your psychological profile, while the compatibility score measures the similarity of your specific behavioral choices. They are not the same, and understanding this distinction is a sign of true expertise.

The path to greater relational understanding is simple and straightforward. Follow these steps to unlock powerful insights:

On the landing page, select your desired mode. Choose “Take Quiz Individually” to get your own results and a shareable code. Choose “Compare with Partner” if you have already received a code from them.

Answer the 20 thoughtfully crafted, situational questions. There are no right or wrong answers, just honest reflections of your relationship patterns. Your responses will be used to calculate your dominant attachment style and your unique sharing code.

Upon completion, your results page will display your primary attachment style, a breakdown of your scores across all four styles, and personalized tips for growth. If you took the quiz individually, a unique, compact code will be generated for you to share with your partner.

To see how you match, simply enter your partner’s sharing code. The tool will instantly generate a comprehensive comparison, including a compatibility score and tailored insights on how your two attachment styles interact. This is where true understanding begins.

• Cultivate Self-Awareness: Pay rigorous attention to your emotional triggers and knee-jerk reactions.
• Master Self-Soothing: Learn to manage your emotions without external validation. This is the cornerstone of moving from insecure to secure.
• Build Unassailable Self-Worth: A secure sense of self is the only true foundation for a secure relationship.

• Practice Empathetic Inquiry: Instead of reacting, approach your partner with genuine curiosity to understand their perspective.
• Respect Their Needs: Acknowledge an avoidant partner’s need for space or an anxious partner’s need for consistent reassurance.
• Establish Boundaries: Healthy, clearly communicated boundaries create a framework of safety and mutual respect that insecure styles desperately need.

Our work is built upon decades of scholarly research, ensuring our insights are grounded in evidence. We cite the foundational work of these pioneers:

• John Bowlby: The originator of attachment theory.
• Mary Ainsworth: Her “Strange Situation” procedure remains a cornerstone of infant attachment research.
• Sagone E, Commodari E, Indiana ML, La Rosa VL. Exploring the Association between Attachment Style, Psychological Well-Being, and Relationship Status in Young Adults and Adults-A Cross-Sectional Study. Eur J Investig Health Psychol Educ. 2023 Feb 24;13(3):525-539. doi: 10.3390/ejihpe13030040. PMID: 36975392; PMCID: PMC10047625.
• Bartholomew & Horowitz: Their 1991 paper, “Attachment styles among young adults: A test of a four-category model,” expanded the framework to the four-style model widely used today.

Yes. While an attachment style is a deeply ingrained pattern, it is not a fixed identity. It is a set of learned behaviors. Through conscious effort, self-reflection, and corrective experiences in a secure relationship or professional therapy, you can earn a more secure attachment style. This process is known as ‘earned security’.

Our quiz provides a highly reliable starting point for self-assessment. It is designed with a behavioral focus, analyzing your patterns rather than relying on subjective self-report. While it should not be considered a clinical diagnosis, it serves as an invaluable guide for identifying your tendencies and initiating your journey toward relational mastery.

Your compatibility score is a precise, data-driven metric. It is the percentage of questions for which you and your partner selected the exact same answer. This score measures your behavioral and cognitive alignment, providing a unique insight into how you approach similar situations in a relationship.

Yes. Your quiz data is not stored in a traditional database. It is encoded into a compact, shareable code that only you and your partner possess. There is no personal information attached to the code, ensuring your privacy and anonymity. We believe your data should belong to you.

This is a fascinating and common outcome that highlights the depth of our quiz. A similar attachment style means you share a general psychological profile, but a low compatibility score means you arrived at that profile through different situational choices. This insight can be a powerful conversation starter for understanding the nuances of your relationship and where your behavioral patterns diverge.