Funny Questions for Couples

If we were a comedy duo, what would our name be?

What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve done to get my attention?

If you had to describe our relationship using only a movie title, what would it be?

What’s a weird food combination you secretly love?

If animals could talk, which one would be the rudest?

What is your most embarrassing ‘guilty pleasure’ song?

If you could replace your hands with any object for a day, what would you choose?

What’s the silliest argument we’ve ever had?

If I were a vegetable, which one would I be and why?

What’s a completely useless talent you have?

If we had to replace our bed with a giant food item, what would be the most hilarious (and practical) choice? (e.g., a giant marshmallow, a pizza with sturdy crust, a wobbly jello mold?)

What mythical creature would you trust to give us relationship advice, and what’s the worst piece of advice it would give?

If we had useless superpowers, what would yours and mine be?

Describe the exact sound you think my brain makes when I’m trying to solve a simple math problem.

If we were to commit a ridiculous, low-stakes heist, what would we steal and what would our codenames be? (e.g., Stealing all the left socks from a laundromat, codenames: Agent Fluff and The Lintinator).

What is the absolute weirdest thing you’ve ever found attractive about me?

If our sex life was a weather forecast, what would today’s forecast be? (e.g., “Cloudy with a chance of heavy friction,” or “Hot and humid with sudden downpours”).

You have to design a terrible, unsexy mascot for our relationship. What is it and what’s its catchphrase?

If you could swap one of my body parts with an animal’s for 24 hours, which part would you swap and for what animal’s? (And why?!)

What’s a secret, deeply weird thought you’ve had about me that you’ve never dared to say out loud?

If we had to create a signature wrestling move as a couple, what would it be called and how would it work? (e.g., “The Cuddle Puddle” or “The Snore-nado”).

If all our arguments were judged like an Olympic sport, which argument would have won us a gold medal for “Most Dramatic Performance”?

You wake up and I’ve been replaced by a clone who is 10% better at everything, but has one tiny, hilarious flaw. What’s the flaw that makes you realize it’s not me?

What’s the most absurd and elaborate lie you would tell our future children about how we first met?

If we had to communicate for a whole day using only movie quotes, which movie would you choose for us to quote from?

What is a food you are 100% convinced I would be if I were a food? Be brutally honest and hilarious.

If you had to write a cheesy, 80s-style power ballad about our love, what would the title be and what’s the key lyric in the chorus?

You find out I have a secret life as a professional… something ridiculous. What’s the most hilarious profession I could have? (e.g., competitive cheese sculptor, professional pigeon whisperer).

If we were ghosts, how would we hilariously haunt our own house?

What’s a completely made-up, nonsensical pet peeve you could pretend to have just to mess with me?

If our intimacy was a genre of music, what would it be? (e.g., Experimental jazz, a surprisingly aggressive polka, or smooth R&B with occasional heavy metal solos).

Add one ridiculous rule to our relationship contract — what is it?

If we were characters in a video game, what would my special ability be, and what would be my weakness?

What’s the most un-romantic thing that has somehow made you love me more?

If you had to describe my personality using only items found in a hardware store, what would they be?

If our bedroom had a Yelp review based on the weird noises we make, what would be the funniest comment from a “neighbor reviewer”?

What would be your superhero name if your power was based on your most embarrassing bathroom habit that I’ve witnessed?

If we had to explain our sex life using only cooking show disasters, which Gordon Ramsay meltdown would best describe our last attempt?

What would your mom’s reaction be if she accidentally saw our browser history and which specific search would make her question her parenting the most?

If our relationship had a reality TV show, what would be the most ridiculous fight that editors would definitely include for maximum drama?

Which of your daily habits would make the worst pickup line if someone tried to use it on a dating app?

If we started an OnlyFans but it was just us doing mundane household chores in ridiculous outfits, what would be our most subscribed content?

What’s the most ridiculous excuse you’ve used to avoid doing laundry, and how would you sell it as a self-help strategy?

If your morning face was a Pokémon, what would be its special attack and what type of damage would it inflict on innocent bystanders?

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve fantasized about doing together that would probably get us banned from at least three public places?

If your boss could see what you’re like during our grocery shopping trips, what specific incident would instantly make them question your professional competence?

What’s the most embarrassing autocorrect fail you’ve sent me, and how would it sound if read dramatically at our wedding?

If we had to survive a zombie apocalypse together, which of my skills would get us killed first and how exactly would I screw it up?

What would be your strategy for hiding a dead body, and which part of the plan would I definitely mess up because of my personality?

If our relationship status updates throughout the years were written by a drunk person, what would be the most accurate yet embarrassing description of where we are now?

If our couple’s therapy session was a sitcom episode, what would be the laugh track moment that breaks the therapist?

Which of my bodily functions would you rename if you had to market it as a luxury product?

If we had to create a WikiHow article based on our worst date ever, what would be the most ridiculous step-by-step instruction?

What’s the most embarrassing thing you’d admit about me to win a million dollars on a game show?

If our arguments were Olympic sports, which event would we dominate and what would our victory dance look like?

What would be the warning label on my personality if I came with product packaging?

If we were contestants on a reality dating show, what would be our most cringe-worthy confessional booth moment?

Which of your exes would be most horrified to know about our weirdest bedroom habit?

If we had to explain our relationship using only infomercial phrases, what would be our tagline?

What’s the most ridiculous lie you’d tell to get out of meeting my family again?

If our love story was a bad romance novel, what would be the cheesiest chapter title?

Which household appliance best represents our communication style and why is it probably broken?

If we starred in an adult parody of a Disney movie, which one would it be and what would go hilariously wrong during filming?

What would be the most embarrassing search suggestion that would pop up if someone typed our names together?

If we had to survive on a deserted island, what would be the stupidest argument we’d have in the first week?

Which of my personality traits would make the worst superhero power?

If our relationship had a Rotten Tomatoes score, what would be the most savage critic review?

What’s the most ridiculous thing you’d do to avoid admitting you were wrong in an argument?

If we were characters in a horror movie, which of us would make the dumbest decision and how would we die?

What would be our couple’s equivalent of “Florida Man” headlines?

If we had to pitch our relationship as a new reality TV show, what would be the most unbelievable plot twist?

Which of my habits would aliens find most confusing if they were studying human behavior?

If our text conversation history was published as a book, what genre would it be and who would be too embarrassed to read it?

What would be the most inappropriate moment for me to bring up something embarrassing about you?

If we were a two-person cult, what would be our ridiculous belief system and how would we recruit followers?